


Why

by ILiveADaydream



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Suicide, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-25
Updated: 2015-02-25
Packaged: 2018-03-15 01:56:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3433550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ILiveADaydream/pseuds/ILiveADaydream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To be partner-trained was to become one with your partner. It was a bond that ran deeper than any other, one capable of bringing great joy and great pain. Partners never forgot each other, no matter what happened, and living without each other in the world was impossible. The moment one left the Earth forever, the other would know and act. Warning: Character death Itachi/OC</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, just Takara and my plots. 
> 
> Okay, this is a really sad one. The two main songs which influenced its creation where Why by Rascal Flatts and Whiskey Suicide by Brad Paisley and Alison Krauss. I'm aware my characters are possibly a little (a lot) OOC, but whatever, that's how I them. 
> 
> This was originally posted on my ff.net account, but I did a few edits before posting it here.

Itachi knows the minute it happens. One second everything is alright, he is existing as well as he has been ever since he left Konoha and the two people who mean the most to him in the world. The next he freezes, his heart nearly stopping, despair filling every atom of his body, cold he's never known settling in. And he knows she is gone.

"Itachi-san?" Kisame questions, taking in the paler than ever face of his partner.   

"We-" he stumbles and Kisame puts a steadying hand on the shorter man's shoulder.

"We need to go to Konoha." Itachi manages to get out, his control and composure disappearing rapidly.

"Alright," Kisame nods. "Are you okay?"

Itachi laughs, a chilled sound that echoes through the room they're in. "If I am right I will never be okay again." 

"Let's go then." Kisame looks worried but follows as Itachi takes off, ignoring the twinges of his lungs as he runs full speed towards Konoha.

 -

Itachi walks into his first day at the Academy expecting to be the youngest in the room by a long shot. And for the most part, he is right, all but one of the bodies in the room are substantially bigger than his. It is the exception that catches his eye. Sitting in the desk closest to both the window and the chalkboard is a red-haired girl his own age. Although everyone else in the room is talking, friends (he presumes) grouped together laughing like the civilians they still are, she is concentrating intently on a notebook. It is towards her he directs his feet.

"Ohayo," he greets her, slipping into the seat beside her. He nearly misses the return greeting when he makes contact for the first time with her eyes, which peer back at him big and blue, more intense than any other set he has or will ever see.

"Ohayo-gozaimasu," she speaks, her voice tinged with a slight accent he's never heard before.

"My name is Uchiha Itachi, may I know yours?" He gives her a bow of the head the way his mother has taught him.

"Uzumaki Takara, Itachi-san, it's a pleasure," she returns the bow of the head. He manages to tear his eyes away from her to look at the notebook and take in the music forming in its pages. From what he can tell, it's a song meant to be sung rather than played. "Above the waves we live, here forevermore…" she has begun.

"Do you sing, Takara-san?" he asks. When she grins, his world lights up.

- 

It takes them a day and a half to get there, with only one stop caused by Itachi nearly passing out and Kisame deciding that if they were going to do this, they needed to rest. Itachi looks horrible and it is Kisame who directs them both into civilian wear, their most recognizable features obscured, in Kisame's case by chakra, in Itachi's by some dirt and a change of hairstyle.  For Itachi it his demeanor more than anything that makes him look worlds apart from the teen who slaughtered his clan. 

Within the gates, Itachi begins searching for Anko, knowing that of anyone in Konoha, she is the most likely to know what he needs to.

It takes him close to fifteen minutes to get enough of a read on her chakra to be able to head towards her. His senses lead him to Konoha's Military Cemetery, a place where all shinobi can be buried if their family does not have a private burial ground as some of the clans do.

His feet slow as he finds her standing with almost every other ANBU and jōnin in Konoha, including those who have retired in the past six years. They are gathered around a priest just starting to speak, tears already apparent on many faces. He also sees a few chūnin, including, he notes, Uzumaki Naruto, Sasuke and a Hyuuga he thinks may be the heiress, Hinata. The boys both have an arm around the girl and all three are grim. Hatake Kakashi stands at their side.

When he hears the first line carry on the wind up to where they are standing, Itachi almost falls to his knees -would have if not for Kisame- at the confirmation of the news. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to bury a dear comrade, Uzumaki Takara."

"Uzumaki… oh, Itachi-san," Kisame murmurs, "the rumors were wrong about her dying by your hand."

"I-" the tears have already started flowing down his cheeks. "I never could have killed her."

 -

They aren't supposed to be there, they shouldn't be listening as the Hokage and Ibiki-sensei argue about them, about how close they are. They probably shouldn't listen as Ibiki fights to make sure they can stay together, that no one separates them (the thought of which that has Takara crushing his hand in hers).

"Even if I don't train them as such they will be partners, sir, they do it instinctively. I've never seen two people who are so closely connected simply because they don't know how to live any differently. If they were to be kept from being partners you would have to keep them apart at all times and never let them see each other again." Ibiki says.

"Is it worth risking them?" The Hokage asks.

The room is silent for many long moments, before Ibiki-sensei speaks, "Yes, if only because the rewards for them are just as big as the risks."

-

After the ceremony, which Itachi barely hears, the guests leave slowly. The three chuunin are among the last to leave, all three leaving a kunai tied to a white rose behind them. Not a face is left dry among them and they still cling to one another tightly. And then there are only two guests left watching as the urn is lowered into a deep hole and buried in dirt. Once the priest leaves, Itachi somehow finds it in him to make his way down to the two still there to stand beside the grave of the woman he had considered everything.

"Anko-chan, Ibiki-sensei," he speaks barely above a whisper but both hear him, both recognize him. Both had wondered if he would show, he can tell it from their faces.

"You!" Anko snarls. "You bastard!"

When she leaps at him, he does nothing, but Ibiki stops her anyway, catches her before she can harm him. "Leave him alone, Anko-chan, I don't need to bury two of you."

As Itachi begins to promise he wouldn't kill her, Anko responds, "He deserves it! He deserves to join her!" 

The purple-haired kunoichi's eyes are red, her face streaked with tears as she yells, "He's the reason she's dead!" 

-

"Never leave me," Takara begs of him as he kisses her neck, his hands streaking upwards, under her tank-top.

"Never," he promises, capturing her lips. Why on earth would he ever leave this beauty, this angel, who is his in every way as he is hers?

"I love you, Karasu," she kisses his neck, pushing him back on the bed. He lets her take control of the situation, lets her touch and taste him as she sees fit. His own hands stay away from any place that might push her a little too far, keeping them on her hips or stroking her ribs.

Takara has only just gotten his t-shirt off when they hear the tell-tale tapping of a bird on the window, summoning them to work. She climbs off him with a sigh but before she can go get the orders, he pulls her into a deep kiss.

"I love you too, Tora-hime," he tells her before she moves away. She grins, her smile brighter than any star, and there's a bounce in her step as she opens the window for the now very impatient bird.

-

"Tell me what happened," Itachi orders softly, not denying Anko's words. He knows as well as anyone they are probably the truth.

"She killed herself," Anko's eyes pour fresh tears, "we found her on the floor of her bedroom, pictures from before you left soaked in the blood that spilled out of her wrists. Do you know how miserable she was with you gone? Damn it, Uchiha, she was your partner!"

Itachi's eyes fell shut. That Takara could have been so miserable that she would kill herself… Anko was right, it was his fault.

"Now," Kisame tries to defend him but Itachi holds up a hand.

"She's right Kisame-san," Itachi says softly, "nothing she has said is a lie."

"You can't be blamed for the death of a girl who you haven't seen in what, five years?" Kisame sounds outraged but Itachi shakes his head.

"Yes he can!" Anko screams, the last word turning into a sob.

"How?"

-

"I now pronounce you husband and wife," Anko skips around them, cackling. Takara rolls her eyes and lays her head on Itachi's shoulder.

"We're not married, Anko-chan." Takara sighs and he slides his fingers into her hair, beginning to comb the thick red strands.

"He gave you a ring!" Anko squeals, hugging them both. Both are used to her mercurial moods and know she is pleased for them.

 "It's a promise ring, nee-chan, not an engagement ring." Takara nuzzles Itachi's neck and he pulls her closer.

"And with you two, that's everything." Anko smiles at them. "Uchiha Takara has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?"

Takara hides her face in Itachi's shoulder but Itachi nods. He does like that name, quite a bit. He has every intention of making it her name one day.

-

"I broke every promise I ever made to her and so she broke the only one that ever really mattered to me," Itachi responds. 

"She never took it off, you know. She wore that ring around her neck every day of her life and it's still there even now. It burned with her and was left in the urn because it was as much a part of her as her right hand."

"Ring?" Kisame asks, his eyes wide.

"A promise ring I gave her." Itachi answers quietly. 

"Damn," Kisame swears softly. The blue-skinned man knows how seriously Itachi takes promises.

"I hope you rot in hell for everything you've done," Anko spits at him before taking off. Ibiki stays.

"She left this for you," Ibiki says quietly, handing Itachi a letter. "And I meant it when I said I don't want to bury two of you- I wasn't talking about Anko-chan."

"Ibiki-sensei…"

"You meant the world to her. She never knew why you left and that more than anything was what destroyed her. She blamed herself for what happened to your clan because she felt she could have stopped it and nothing anyone said ever changed her mind. We tried, but she was stubborn like that. That she held on as long as she did… you should be proud. I think what took her in the end was the illness, more than giving up on you."

"Illness?"

"Doctors said it was microscopic polyangiitis. She dealt with it, refused to give up missions, trained a genin team so what she knew wasn't lost, but it was hard on her. With everything else… the doctors told her earlier this week that she was in full relapse and there wasn't anything they could do about it. I think she held on as long as she did for you but she couldn't take the disease in full force on top of everything else. This was her way of getting back some control." Ibiki smiles sadly. "Here," he hands over a photograph, "it was taken two weeks ago."

The T&I head leaves then, as Itachi stands in shock.

"What are the chances?" Kisame asks quietly.

-

"Those who have been partner-trained are often bonded by more than just the training they go through. There have been cases where even their chakra bonds, connecting the two on a deeper level. If parted for too long, those trained in such a way often suffer physically. Their bodies become dependent on each other's chakra to the point that without it, their bodies break down." Takara reads from a ragged scroll.

"It sounds like you're stuck with me, Takara-chan," Itachi wraps his arms around her waist.

"Is that a promise?" Takara leans her head back for a kiss.

He bends down and brushes his lips against hers. "Yes."

-

"We were partners. It's more likely than you think." Itachi sits down at the back of her grave, leaning against the headstone.

"She used the same word… Itachi-san, were the two of you partner-trained?" Itachi nods. "Oh Itachi-san."

"Leaving her was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do," Itachi leans his head back against the cold stone, fatigue permeating every cell in his body. He is so tired, so far past exhausted, his limbs feeling weak and heavy, his chest uncomfortably tight.

He moves the picture up into his line of sight and smiles. The picture has Takara standing in the middle, Anko to her left and Ibiki to her right, with Kakashi on Ibiki's other side and Yuugao next Anko. At Takara's feet sit the three chuunin, each holding a scroll with a green ribbon on it in their laps- promotion scrolls if he remembers correctly. The redhead is smiling softly, her eyes sad. She is thin, and he can tell Ibiki and Anko are keeping her steady. She looks weak and pale, but everyone else is grinning happily- even his brother. 

"She's the one in the middle?" Kisame asks gently. Itachi nods.

"You two look alike," Kisame notes.

"Sasuke and I? He's my brother."

"I meant you and Uzumaki-san. Pale, tired, sad, too thin… I had thought you killed your entire clan?" Kisame speaks.

"I left only him alive. They must have taken this right after the three were promoted."

"Who are they?"  
 

"Yuugao-san, one of Takara-hime and Anko-chan's friends, Anko-chan, then Takara-hime, Ibiki-sensei and Kakashi-taichou. Then Uzumaki Naruto-san, Hyuuga Hinata-san I believe, and Sasuke-kun. Anko-chan was our genin teammate, Ibiki-san our sensei and those three must have been Takara-hime's genin team."

"You should read the letter," Kisame suggests.

-

"What are you doing, Takara-chan?" Itachi asks the young woman sitting at his desk.

"Writing a letter," she responds, her brush moving slowly, stopping for a moment and then beginning again.

"To whom?" He begins to shuck off his clothing so he can take a shower.

"You," she responds, signing it. He glances over his shoulder.

"Why a letter, why not just tell me?"  He asks, turning towards her as she waits for the ink to dry.

"It isn't for you now," she smiles at him, folding the paper up.

"When do I get it?" Itachi pulls the tie out of his hair.

"Never, I hope," she tucks it away in a scroll. "It'll be yours if I die."

Itachi's gaze turns hot and serious. "You're right, I'm never going to get it."

"Itachi-kun," Takara looks at him, eyes sad. "You might."

"No, Kara-chan, I will never get that letter. I will never die after you." He kisses her, and the two of them end up together in his shower, pouring their love into each other. 

-

"I never should have gotten this," Itachi murmurs, opening it.

"What do you mean?" Kisame asks.

"I saw her write one once and told her I would never die after her."

"You intended to die first?"

"I intended to never have to live without her." Itachi looks down at the letter in his lap. "Not until I found out the cost of keeping her."

-

"You will of course, put that girl of yours in her place," his father orders him at a clan meeting, where they are all discussing how they will take over the village. Itachi is barely paying attention, not more than it takes to remember the details so when he goes and tells his superiors what they are doing, he can give them all the information they need to get rid of the imbeciles which make up the majority of his 'family'. So when his father turns to him, Itachi is uncharacteristically surprised.

"What?" He asks, dumbfounded.

"You will keep that girl of yours in line or kill her. She will know her place in our world."

"And what place will that be?" he practically growls.

"Serving you and staying out of your way. You'll need to start courting a proper Uchiha wife soon and they shouldn't be worried that she will interfere. Do you understand?" By the time his father finishes it takes everything Itachi has not to kill him now. Takara is his but that doesn't mean that he owns her. He keeps her in line only so far as to keep her out of too much trouble and she returns the favor. He is hers as she is his. They are equals in every way, partners in crime.

"I understand," Itachi grounds out. He understands his father perfectly, he just has no intention of going through with it.

"Good, because I know you wouldn't want her killed, and as long as she keeps to her place, she'll live." 

It is only the knowledge that Takara can take anything they try and return it two-fold that prevents him from massacring them now.

-

_Itachi-kun,_

_I don't know if you'll ever get this, because I know Ibiki-sensei won't go out of his way to find you when I die, but I hope you do. I'm pretty sure you need to stop blaming yourself for my death, because if you've gotten this, then you probably have seen Anko-nee-chan and Ibiki-sensei and Anko-nee-chan is probably going to blame you. She's been blaming you for everything wrong with me since you left._

_I don't hate you. I've wanted to at times because it's hurt so much not having you here, but I love you Itachi-kun. Still and to this day I love you._

_But I don't understand, Itachi-kun, I've tried so hard but I can't understand why you left. It hurts so much to not have you here with me. I know that if you had been here, I could have beaten this, but it's too hard without you here. I'm not strong enough, Itachi-kun, I'm sorry._

_About three months after you left I started getting sick. I thought it was just a cold: I was tired and weak, but it wasn't until I started coughing blood I realized there was a problem. Anko-nee-chan forced me into going to the doctors and after being poked and prodded for months, they told me I had microscopic polyangiitis._

_It's an autoimmune disorder: basically my own body started attacking my small blood vessels. For me, that means I feel weak and shaky most of the time and if you saw me now, well 'twig' would be too fat. I also cough up blood and eating hurts (one of the reasons I've dropped so much weight)._

_It took about five months, but the doctors were able to figure out how to get everything under control. Ibiki-sensei and Anko-chan tried to convince me to take a diplomatic job after that, but I refused. If I was going down I was going down swinging. And with the disease in remission, it wasn't too bad. I did all the missions I could, trained the new ANBU recruits and made sure that what I knew would live on. And I took a genin team last year, the first year I felt the twerps might not be shits because of how young I was._

_Team 7: Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke and Hyuuga Hinata. Those three are brilliant. You did quite a number on Sasuke-chan, but I think I fixed him up. He sees the other two as siblings now. Naruto-kun and Hinata-chan are dating, something that can (obviously) be attributed to our matchmaking abilities. You would not believe the work that went into getting Naruto-kun to ask Hinata-chan out. The girl had done everything but kiss him to make her attraction obvious and he still didn't figure it out._

_I put them through training that made ours look like mollycoddling but they needed it. All three of them needed a way to bond, a way to get stronger, a place to find pride in themselves and their accomplishments. They just made chuunin together and I've never been prouder in my life. They worked for it, so hard, and dealt with me at the same time. It was a weird team by anyone's standards. The three of them, but three senseis as well. I was the one given them, the one in charge, but Kakashi-sempai and Yuugao-chan were assistant senseis and one of them accompanied us on missions out of the village in case I suffered an attack._

_I've loved teaching them. It's the greatest thing I've ever done, being able to teach them what I know and make them better shinobi because of it. I wish I could do it again._

_I know you're going to be pissed at me for doing this, but it's for the best. The doctors are telling me I'm relapsing and that I've developed a tolerance for the drugs; they won't work anymore. I'm going to die within the next year if their predictions are accurate._

_I refuse to put everyone through a year of watching me die. Hinata-chan will drive herself to spare trying to save me, Naruto-kun, Sasuke-chan and Anko-chan will be cursing the world and everyone in it and Ibiki-sensei and Kakashi-sempai will be trying to keep the rest in line while also keeping me happy. I won't make them go through the pain of watching me waste away. I'd rather die on my own terms now than later when I'm too weak to even hold the kunai to my wrists._

_I swear this is the only rule I've broken, I've kept the others as close as I could. I had to substitute Anko-chan or Ibiki-sensei or Kakashi-sempai for you, but that was a necessity._

_I wish that you'd trusted me enough to tell me what was going on before you left. I'm sorry I never went after you and that I didn't refuse to let you get rid of me so easy. If there's one thing I've learned from all this, it's that I'm too weak._

_Still, I love you, Itachi-kun, and I miss you. I can only hope you've been happier without me than I've been without you and that you can still be happy with me gone._

_Stay safe, Karasu-kun._

_Always Yours,_

_Uzumaki Takara_

_Tora no Konoha_

-

"Swear it to me," Itachi demands of her. Takara rolls her eyes.

"Is this really necessary, Karasu-kun?"

"Uzumaki Takara, you nearly died! You nearly died throwing yourself in the way of that attack. You will swear to me never to kill yourself!" He is insistent, his body caging hers, his eyes red and spinning.

"I did that to protect you, not to kill myself!" Itachi growls and watches the lust spark in Takara's eyes. He lowers his body so that he is straddling her and watches the reaction in her eyes.

"You cannot die, Tora-chan," he lowers his forehead to hers as his voice softens. "Please promise me this."

"I promise you that I will never kill myself," Takara gives in, trying to tug one of her wrists away from his grip. Once he lets go, she moves it to his face, caressing his cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too, Takara-chan," he whispers, kissing her lightly before moving off of her. It is a hospital, after all, and they frown upon these kinds of things.

-

The tears running down Itachi's face are quick and plentiful. That she could love him after everything was a blessing and a curse. A blessing, because he loves her deeply and to know that she had remained his was deeply satisfying. A curse, because he knows that it had been his fault she'd been ill and therefore his fault she'd died and she hadn't known to blame him.

That she had thought to leave him a letter telling him what had happened and why she'd done what she had astounds him. She astounds him. He's always been in awe of the tiny redhead, astounded at her strength of will. This letter just confirms that.

"Oh, Tora-hime, you were never the weak one of us," he whispers. It was he who had problems doing what needed to be done, Takara could do anything if it kept him or the village safe.

"Kisame-san," Itachi makes up his mind. "Could you leave me alone for a while?"

"Itachi-san-" the older man starts but Itachi shakes his head.

"I wish to be alone with her. She deserves a response to her letter," He says simply. Kisame sighs, but nods and walks off.

When he is gone, Itachi begins to change back into his old ANBU gear.

-

"Fuck, Ita-a-chi," Takara groans, falling back on their bed.

"Is that what you want, Tora-chan?" He grins at her, his hand going back to the buckle he just finished securing.

"Why are you so hot?" She answers his question with a question, her eyes raking over him.

"I could ask you the same question," he chuckles, finishing the buckles. "Come on, you need to get dressed."

"I'm serious, you look fucking hot in that uniform." Takara stands and stretches, causing her (his, actually) t-shirt to ride up and show off her belly button. His eyes linger on the exposed skin before he replies.

"And you look hot all the time, but we really need to go to work, because we're already probably going to be late," Itachi smirks. Takara is not a morning person, not at all and so he's had to become a bit… creative if he wants her to get up in the morning, especially after a late night.

"Fine," she sighs, "but I get to take that thing off you later."

-

He sits on top of her grave, a kunai in one hand. His reply to her letter is short and simple,  and she never should have expected anything else.

 "I love you, Takara-chan. If there's anything you want to know, well, I imagine you could talk the shinigami into letting you have a crack at me," he smiles and then cuts both his forearms, one vertical line on each and three horizontal, making sure there will be too much blood leaving his body too quickly for him to be saved. 

As the life leaves his body, he stares at the picture, humming a very simple melody to himself.

_Above the waves we live, here forevermore,_

_Below the sea we sing, here forevermore,_

_Together we will be, here forevermore._


End file.
